Keeping a positive attitude

We are almost ready to take the next step. I had three ultrasounds last week. Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. The growth of the follicles and the hormone levels were a slight bit more gradual than last time. The best guess on Tuesday was that I would have retrieval on Tuesday of this coming week and that is the date that looks like it will be indeed!

We were able to go to the Duck game on Saturday but I had to come back late last night after the game so that I could have an ultrasound early this AM. The follicles are rapidly growing now and the hormones are rising almost exponentially. My doctor says it just shows that the ovaries do what they want to do.

I am tired today though, a combination of elevated estrogen levels, large follicles and oh yeah, I only slept about 5 and a half hours last night.

Since I will have the week off, I have lots of knitting, movies and small projects set up to do. We will see if I can keep myself from going stir crazy!

I will have one more session of acupuncture tomorrow (he works too much).

I have been finding more and more company on this path of IVF. Some have had success and some have found more sadness than they deserve. It is not easy to explain why some couples are able to have babies without even trying and others try an try and spend lots of money and still have no success. It certainly isn't based on merit, or hard work, or ability to care for a child. I will have great appreciation for a baby when we finally have one!

There is a section from Randy Pausch's THE LAST LECTURE where he speaks of walls that you hit as an opportunity to demonstrate how badly you want something. So, I guess I will continue to find ways around the wall. I am thinking happy thoughts tonight as Tom steadies his hand for the big trigger shot to allow the eggs to be released.

I will let you know more in two days. There were about 20 follicles between the two ovaries and we will see how many are available for retrieval.

Have a great week.

Back in the saddle

It has been a couple of months since my last blog. And FINALLY we are back in the cycle and ready to go. We spent the month of July waiting for the cycle off. The date for the next cycle fell right on the weekend we were supposed to go to Seattle, so they worked with us to delay the start a little bit. It actually worked out well as my period was late in July.

I started birth control pills at the end of July and started doing Lupron shots (the turn off meds) about 2 weeks ago. Last Saturday (5 days ago) I started on the stimulation drugs. Yesterday was my first ultrasound and things are looking good. The goal this time is to have the eggs mature a little more slowly in the hopes of having some more mature eggs to work with. Last time we had 14 follicles, 10 eggs and 7 fertilized eggs before the arrested development debacle.

This time we are hoping for more follicles, more mature eggs, more fertilized eggs and embryos that want to grow into babies. We will be transferring the embryos at three days of development instead of the 5 days last time. This will hopefully allow the embryos to grow in a more accurate environment rather than a petrie dish.

Next week, I already had MOnday (Labor day) and Wednesday (my new normal day off) off, and had Thursday off as well just incase. BUT of course it looks like the extraction will likely be on Tuesday with transfer back on Friday. SOOOOOOO, no work for me next week.

I am collecting knitting projects to work on. I was able to go to the yarn store on Bainbridge Island while we were there this last weekend. I got a cute new book and yarn. I also ordered a digital piano - Yamaha with built in peddles and full keyboard. I have been wanting to play again and this will fit in my room without major cost or moving expense. Plus I can use the headphones to play without sharing all of my music with our new neighbors! I am sure they will appreciate this.

I am also looking forward to getting caught up on all of my errands.

We are also working on selling Tom's truck since we aren't really using it and trying to use mass transit and become a one care family.

Lots of activity.
Lots of action.

I will try to keep the posting coming more regularly again.
We are all hoping that things go better this time.


Oh, and I am doing acupuncture !! I really like the acupuncturist and although difficult to know if it is helping, at least it is a set aside time to relax and just clear my head.

He is worried about the possibility of his needles bruising me. I don't think he knows how much the one stimulation drug bruises and welts. His needles are nothing!!! He has encouraged me to be happy and relaxed to grow many mature and happy eggs. So I have been listening to more Disney music. Trying to do things that are relaxing and happy making. MOre time off and massages. We will see if this all works out and makes more happy embryos that want to grow. The acupuncturist thinks twins (one boy and one girl) would be nice and then we can be done....I wonder what meridian he needs to needle for that ;-)

More waiting

It has been a busy last couple of weeks.
I went to Branson, MO for a conference. Tom and I have been busy running around town. We have been to Las Vegas, San Francisco and I also have the above mentioned Branson. I feel like I am firmly coming out of my baby making focused funk.
Before I left for Branson on the 19th, I had an appointment with my fertility doc.
Summary of the visit is basically, they are not sure what happened. No other couples had any issues in the time around us. No other embryos stopped growing. That being said, they have NEVER had this happen when the couple is young and healthy so they are taking some of the fault on themselves and allowing us to have a free cycle this next time. They tried sending the embryos for genetic testing but they didn't get accurate information due to the "age" of the embryos by the time they were sent.

So now we wait some more. I have to have a whole cycle off and then we start with the suppression again. This places our expected transfer on the only weekend for the rest of the year that we have out of town plans. We are planning to go to Seattle for a long weekend for the A's Mariners. We have non-refundable hotel in downtown.

We discussed this with the nurse at the fertility clinic. She said we can always have me take two extra weeks of birth control pills which would put the extraction and transfer closer to Labor Day. And move the due date closer to our birthdays at the end of May, first of June.

This time around, instead of waiting until day 5 for transfer, they will likely try day 3 since that is when the embryos had their issues (we may just have sensitive embryos). In that case, the chances of each embryo making it is much lower. They may decide to transfer 3 embryos in that case. This will be a tough decision. But for now, we will enjoy the summer sun and heat and wait for cooler days to think about hormone therapy again. May not be too many updates to come from now until then.

Tom did get me a book on IVF for my birthday which I read on the flight to San Francisco. If anyone wants to read a different view of IVF, it is called Pregnancy Wishes and IVF Dreams. The only thing that was frustrating about reading this book is that the couple in it had a clear diagnosed male factor problem and was able to get pregnant the first time with twins. This is not always the experience that people have. I actually have a patient who has been through IVF 5 times without success and was only able to get pregnant the last time with IVF. I can't imagine. This is it for us for a while. I think if this time around doesn't work, will look into adoption a little bit more and wait to do another round of IVF for a year or two.

Have a good summer all, stay cool. More to come in August is my guess.

The Big Day

So today was the big day. After suffering through bloating and thrush on my tongue from all of the steroids and antibiotics, today was the day that we might actually get pregnant. I had my couch all arranged for the two days of bed rest. Knitting...check. Books..check...Comfy blanky...check. Change of clothes, brush, meds, computer...check, check and check.

I did some laundry last night and this AM so my work clothes wouldn't accidentally get placed in the dryer.

We arrived on time. Bladder full. Happy thoughts and song in the head.

We were in the same room as they put us in for the extraction. Gown, booties, head covering all the same as before. They kept checking the bladder fullness and I was reading while drinking water and humming. Thirty minutes to go.

The Dr. entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed about 15 minutes later.

And then the other foot dropped.

After introductions, he started, "I am sorry, I have some bad news, tragic news actually."

He went on to explain that all of the embryos had arrested development on day 3. I don't think he ever told us how many there were on Thursday when they last checked them, but looking at the chart he was holding in his hand it looked like at least 6. They were looking really good that day. Everything was pointing to there not only being embryos for transfer but also some to freeze. He anticipated this would have been a really awesome chance for pregnancy.

Maybe it was the construction and duct work they were doing in the building, although they have been doing that for some time and they haven't had any other issues. The room is a "clean room" and extra filtered. They had no other transfers today so they don't know if anyone else has been affected.

And then he told us the next cycle would be on them. They would make good on this since it was likely something in their system. He said in his twenty years of doing this he has never seen anything like this. It is never good to be an anomaly in the medical system.

He suggested that maybe we get away for the weekend.

So we did, we went to Vegas where I now type this blog. We sat next to the pool this afternoon. We enjoyed the cool water and the sunshine and heat.

We will have to start over again. Suppression, stimulation, extraction and hopefully this time we will make it to the next step.

That will take at least another two months.

I am not sure why we are not supposed to have kids right now. But apparently we aren't.

As Tom pointed out, we have been very lucky in all other aspects of our life, just not this one. I am doing actually really okay. It was almost like I have become so used to this not working, I wasn't really ready to let myself think that it would work. I just was more prepared to have another negative pregnancy test than to not have any embryos after they looked so good.

And I really wish I could end this one with the then I woke up phrase......

Diminishing returns

We arrived at the Oregon Reproductive Medicine Clinic late. They showed us to the auditorium where we waiting with what seemed like 100 other people for our turn. The clock was ticking and I knew that if the eggs weren't extracted by a certain time, I could ovulate on my own. Tom was asked to "make his donation" and came back with what looked like a urine sample. I could not believe my luck to make it to this point and not have any workable sperm to go with my eggs! We pressed on thinking this could still work. They finally called my row in the auditorium and we marched onto the stage. Others there were coming out of the back of the stage proclaiming failure. No eggs retrieved despite having good hormone levels and lots of follicles on ultrasound. It was then that I realized that although we had been herded into the auditorium, we were supposed to be in the clinic. We ran over to the clinic an hour after arriving we where we were supposed to be. Apologies for being in the wrong place. They showed us back to a conference room where there were refreshments set up. I was so hungry that I started eating a chicken nugget. Realizing that I was supposed to be NPO (Nothing per oral - no food or drinks), I quickly spit them out in the trash can. We waited a brief time while a group of very pregnant women set up for their prenatal yoga class. Finally they were getting ready to show me back to the procedure room when, I woke up!!!

And this is how my day started. I call them stress dreams, I used to get them before the start of the school year. Encapsulated within each one are all of the possible worst case scenarios.

Fortunately maybe because my brain is so prepared to handle them, these situations never arise.

We arrived exactly on time to the clinic. Tom's "donation" went well. They led us immediately back to the procedure room recovery and pre-op area where I changed into a gown. The only difficulty was the IV placement (I hadn't made it that far in the dream I guess). Since I couldn't drink any water and I already have bad veins, the anesthesiologist was the one to place it and he did a great job. A little versed. Dreaming in 1 minute.

Recovery area I felt like I had to pee very badly. The nurse mentioned that they were giving me antibiotics because the needle may have nicked my bladder because it was pretty full.

They had retrieved 14 eggs. I waited for another hour while they took vitals and let the saline run into me.

Then home to the couch where for the rest of the day I was not allowed to even do so much as get up to get a drink of water lest Tom shoo me right back to sit and get it himself.

There was some discomfort - constant fullness like having a really full bladder and gas at the same time. Heating pad helped immensely and no pain meds were required.

Last night another round of stress dreams. The embryologist would be calling with the number of fertilized eggs today. So there were all sorts of dreamy calls from 0 to over 50 - somehow the eggs had defied science in one of the dreams and they said what looked to be 14 eggs were actually 14 clumps of eggs all 2-3 each!

This morning the real embryologist called to given the update on the status of the eggs.

14 eggs retrieved
10 eggs were mature
7 eggs had been fertilized.

This is only as far as we will know until Saturday when they will transfer the embryos at the blastocyst stage into the uterus (only two will be transferred if there are two to transfer).

They estimate that about 1/2 of the currently fertilized eggs will make it that far.
After the transfer on Saturday, I will be on strict bed rest for two days. I also have Monday off work just in case as we weren't sure if this extraction would happen today or yesterday and needed to think ahead.

I will be able to take a blood pregnancy test on the 9th and if it is positive again on the 11th to make sure the numbers are doubling as they should.

First ultrasound won't be until the 23rd of June!

This will be a very long pregnancy at this rate....

Today I am feeling well. No fullness. I may even go to the DMV to get my license renewed.
Hopefully there will be no updates until Saturday. I hope those magic seven stay strong!

We are a go for launch!

Had our fourth ultrasound this week. All the follicles are huge and growing even without my evening dose of stimulator medications for the last three days. My estrogen levels are sky high. We will be doing the "trigger shot" tonight and on Monday AM they will pull out all of the fluid around the ovaries and see if they can make some embryos! I am instructed to take it easy. Eat lots of protein and not so much potassium - which is harder than you think as a lot of the sources of protein have also lots of potassium. They are still concerned about too much stimulation so I will be giving myself 1/2 the normal tirgger shot dose.

Monday AM I will arrive and undergo some minimal sedation to extract the eggs from their current nesting spot. The trigger shot helps the eggs become mature before they are extracted. I even get a day off work on Tuesday! I am trying to relax and rest and not stress my body too much today even though it is a beautiful day. I have some knitting and a book to finish!

Overachiever

Today I had my second ultrasound to check the progress of the stimulation. After Tuesday I had high hopes for the progress of my ovaries.

And my ovaries stepped up to the challenge. Not happy to accept any blame for this infertility issue, they have developed huge follicles. I am on the verge of being too good. They have cut my evening dose of stimulation medication (the expensive one will go mostly unused I am afraid).

And on to another ultrasound tomorrow. They cannot give the "trigger shot" to make the ovaries release the follicles until at least day 8 of stimulation (Saturday), but it looks like that will be the most likely day to do the shot. Which means retrieval will be Memorial Day! What is even nicer than having retrieval on a holiday is that the embryo transfer would then be on Saturday so my 36 hours of bed rest will be on a weekend! Oh well, so much for my days off from work but at least the clinic schedule won't be too disrupted.

Tomorrow repeat ultrasound and blood work - oh yeah, did I mention my estrogen levels more than doubled since Tuesday?

All is well, except my ovaries feel swollen. It is a strange feeling, not really like gas but almost like something egg shaped may be swollen to three times it's normal size and suspended in my abdomen by a small ligament. Yup pretty much like that. No jumping they said but even walking and sitting feels a little bit weird!

The next step is coming soon. Exciting to think about having a possible positive pregnancy test within a couple of weeks!